Meet My Alter Ego - What is a Blue Collar Mom?

Let me be the first to admit that I am a blue collar mom. Not ashamed of my ailing social status in the least either. In fact, I love being the underdog, the penny pincher, the resourceful mom next door, the aluminum can recycler, the coupon cutter, the dog poop picker upper, the dirty diaper changer, the mom on the block who gets her mail with her ass hanging out of her jammies, no bra, but strutting down to that mailbox as if I am the hottest, richest woman on the block. My two kids are yelling out the front door asking if they have mail. I always yell back “Who the hell is going to write you! Don’t encourage mail..it means I’ll have to spend thirty nine cents (soon to be forty one) on a stamp to write people back. Not to mention…you kids are letting all my heat out that open door. Now shut your traps and close my door or I’ll beat you with a stick”. That’s a famous line of my mother’s and best of all sticks are free. Such is the glamorous life I lead and ironically I love every second of it. So do my kids…I think.

On the outside, I look like I am the law abiding citizen (with a few exceptions that I will go to confession for), a kind woman who volunteers at school, makes cookies for the bake sales, and even goes to church every Sunday. I work a humble job in human services, volunteer my time for charitable events, garden everyday in the summer, grow my own herbs and vegetables to save money and canoe and fish with my husband and kids. I tote the kids to their music lessons, teach a yoga class on Monday nights for lunch money, teach cooking classes for other blue collar moms to pay the heat, and send dinners and baked goodies to my neighbors. Most would never peg me as blue collar at all because of my second job as an on-air chef for a grocery store chain. The extra money pays off my $100,000 in debt and the pay has barely made a dent. Most think I make a fortune. But deep down, I know what my grim salary is. I don’t try to keep up appearances and I’m not afraid to tell the world about what it is REALLY like living the blue collar mom life.

Let me start off by saying that I am a brazen, direct and highly unconventional woman who knows how to get the job done with antics the average person would never dare try. Okay, here’s one that will shock you. I never have money to tip the delivery guys…ya know, like the Sears guy when he comes to haul away the piece of crap dryer I bought on closeout. Instead of giving him money I do not have, I give him prescriptions which I do have plenty of.

I have Celexa for my anxiety (also prevents me from beating my children with a stick), Trazadone for my insomnia, and Diazepam for flights (or so I told my doctor). For a ten dollar medical-co pay, I have tips to last a lifetime. I save painkillers from surgeries, stockpile valium from my divorce, and have muscle relaxants on hand for the painful shoulders and backs that plague all of us blue collar moms. I have a lovely little pharmacy for those tipping occasions and let me tell you something, not one contractor, driver or delivery person has ever turned them down. Yes, it is illegal, but it is survival and no one has died yet.

I attribute this to the careful instructions I provide when I dispense my pills. I tell them “You don’t know me, don’t take these with alcohol and don’t share them with your friends”. Then I read them in detail the “precautions” label along with the listed side effects, and advise them that in the rare event they do have nausea, vomiting, intestinal bleeding or heart palpitations that they forget I ever existed. I should have gone to medical school because I haven’t lost a patient yet. I’ve even tipped the AAA tow truck driver in marijuana. This is reserved for exceptional service. He even drove to my home the next day to thank me personally. I highly doubt any Newbury Street employee would ever do that for me! Unethical, yes and I am not proud of my antics, but when you struggle financially you’ll do almost anything to stay afloat. I no longer continue this pot practice, however because the Avon lady’s son gave it up. I could try and get it from my doctor for medicinal purposes. I can tell her the economy, my mortgage and growing taxes are making me vomit.

Speaking of doctors and medications here’s a blue collar mom tip for you. If you are on medications like I am, I have found a very great way to save money by cutting my co-pays in half while gaining more mileage on my meds. Our health care system is so screwed up and here is why. Thirty tablets of 20 mg of Celexa costs me a co-pay of ten dollars and lasts one month. Just for kicks one day, I told my doctor I needed to double my dose. I received 40mg tablets for thirty days and the co-pay was still ten dollars. So what do I do? I break those little suckers in half and stretch the prescription out two months and save a total of $60 per year. I have to give us blue collar moms a real pat on the back because we are always one step ahead of the game. Stick around because this blue collar mom has a lot of tricks up her sleeve and it feels refreshing to finally unload.